Where are you?

Whenever a day goes by and we don't receive any phone calls or notes in the mail I wonder where is everyone! In this day of cell phones and free long distance, I am having a hard time trying not to get "mad" at my family for not checking in more often.

I have no desire to spend endless hours on the phone being told all the day-to-day news of the family, but a quick check-in to find out we are still alive, etc. would be well received. And, long call or short call, Mom just remembers the call from a loved one.

So if she remembers the call, does she wonder when there are no calls? Does she sit in front of the window waiting, or is she really content to just sit and look out? If she is not content, she does not say anything. She is very un-complaining. Maybe it just bothers me!

Then, as I am feeling so "righteously" concerned about Mom, The Lord reminds me of how I dealt with my older relatives from years gone by. I know I did not call my aunt to ask about my grandmother very often. If fact, I had two aunts for two grandmothers who most likely had the same thoughts as me, "where are her kids, and why don't they call her?" I rarely call my aunts to ask about them. Shame on me!

I had to apologize to my sister-in-law, Mary, a few years back when Harry's mom died. Because she was the daughter that took care of all of her mom's needs, we never gave it a thought that maybe she needed some emotional support.

It was about that time that my conscience started bothering me about keeping up with family. I still have a long way to go with keeping up with distant relatives, but I am trying...

The point of this missive...Please stay in touch with Mom (Grandma, aunt, GG). Not just for her sake, but for your own. Knowing you keep in touch with her will be peace to you when times get tough. Learning to enjoy Mom the way she is, and letting go of how she used to be, is a blessing. I am blessed that she is with us here. She still wants to go "home", but that doesn't offend me. I thank God I can kiss her good night and good morning. God has blessed this household with Mom!

I really think Mom would enjoy getting a card from family every now and then. She would have something to look at. Short phone calls would be enjoyed, and short visits are always welcome. Think about it!

A sign of things to come...

This evening as we were watching TV, Mom asked me to help her remember a few things. The things she wanted to remember were the names of my children and their children.

I can't begin to tell you how sad that made me feel. I am the oldest girl in a family of six kids, and I was the first to start having children. Our oldest daughter, Deanna, is Mom's first grandchild and she was having a hard time remembering the names... Even as I said the names in order, several times, she was having a difficult time being able to repeat them.

What does this mean? I don't know. Maybe she was just having a "brain freeze" but I am afraid it really means that there will be more information disappearing from her memory as time goes on. So, I had a paper with the names of her kids and who they married, and the names of the kids they had, etc. I had written it up and sent it to a nephew whom I hadn't had much contact with and I wanted him to know who his family was. Anyway, I updated that paper and changed the font to be really big letters (Mom is more blind than she will admit) so she could read it and I gave it to her so she can look at it whenever she wanted. She liked the idea. Maybe I will give her a binder to keep her current information close at hand.

I want to share these thoughts with family members, so I will be sending out emails to the names I have email addresses. There is a link to my blog, and they can become followers. I pray they will want to be included to stay up with Mom's (Grandma's, GG's) living. If you get an email, you can forward it to the family members I might not have emails for, so they can visit the site and stay up to date with family news.

May 25, 2009

Today, we had Paul and Rebecca visit on their way out of town. Rebecca's aunt was with them and also Paul's mom, Sally, came by.

I have a feeling that I managed to monopolize the conversation. Sorry. Sometimes when I was raising kids and didn't speak to anyone over the age of 10 all day long, I would be desperate to speak to anyone my age. Harry would come home tired of talking at work...so I would spend days without any mental stimulation above the "Sesame Street" level. Therefore, when an adult came into range, they didn't have to say a word! I was able to carry the entire conversation without them having to say anything.

I share this memory because these days I feel I am back in those days. I am not raising kids, but we have my Mother living with us, and she is at the stage in her life where she does a lot of "remembering when" and all she needs is for you to listen. We don't have conversations, we have stories, and she just wants me to listen. Then when she "winds down", she takes a nap in her chair, and I am left sitting there...

Yes, Harry is retired and at home, and yes, we talk to each other, but I usually have more to say than he wants to listen to, ha!

A Little Background History

2008 was a year that had many changes for us. Before May of 2008, I was traveling back and forth between Alexandria and Baton Rouge at least once a month; spending days and sometimes weeks in Alexandria handling necessary chores for my Mom. I would convice Mom to visit us here in Baton Rouge for a few weeks at a time, but she would always return to her home.

In May of 2008 we came to accept that changes needed to be made in regards with Mom's care. After a lifetime of taking care of all her needs and doing such a good job of it, she was coming into a time of needing someone else to do the everyday things she no longer was able to do. She was not aware of this change, but we were.

It is not an easy decision to make - force your parent into a life change they do not think they are not ready for. I'm not ready to be the one forcing the issue, but... It hurts to see the woman I always looked up to, the woman who was able to help me through my troubles, not be able to make good decisions for herself. I was losing my mother as I knew her.

So, at the end of May we packed her bags and brought Mom to Baton Rouge. Although we gently told her she would be staying in BR, she was not accepting that word. After 35 years of living in the same home with neighbors and friends around town, Mom was not giving up her "life" so easily.

We could see Mom was not doing well when she came home with us, and within 10 days, she was in the hospital for a 5 day stay to fight infection that was building in her body over several months.

After getting her back home, Mom went through 6 weeks of rehab to strengthen her body. But we could see her current memory and daily functioning was degrading. (after almost a year, Mom speaks about her hospital stay as just having happened, that she is recuperating, and that she will be going back to Alex. sometime soon.)

In the midst of Mom's physical illness and recovery, Harry had a "heart incident" and was hospitalized for a heart cath. and ended with a stint being placed in an artery that was 99% blocked. His story to follow at another time.