The month of February got away from me due to the fact we were all sick in one form or the other. Harry started with a bad cough that had a few more ailments added over a week or so and lasted about ten days. I was three days behind him and followed his progression through my sickness just as he did. Mom was a few days behind me, and Melissa a few days behind Mom. We were a mess around here!
With nurses coming twice a week, I was able to keep a good watch on Mom. I would make sure the nurse checked Mom's breathing and heart, and kept her informed of Mom's ailments. Really, we all had major head colds/sinusitis...there was never any fever, no vomiting, and the only other complaint came because we were eating a lot of soups...little to process through the body! Get it? Anyway, after several weeks, we started to get back to normal.
Of course, I had to be the difficult one. I got up one morning, and the room was spinning out of control!! I have had vertigo before and recognized the symptoms, so I was not too concerned except I was part of the driving crew for the house. That stopped me cold. After several days of no relief, I broke down and went to an ENT doctor. After a good checkup, he agreed it was vertigo, gave me some motion sickness pills and told me it could take up to eight weeks to feel better. So far, the dizziness mostly happens during the night, but some mornings it's bad enough to keep me still...I get out of a lot of stuff...but it is no fun. If I move too much, I feel as if I will throw up...who wants that!
OK, enough about me...
As most of the family knows, we received a call the other day from N.O. and the cousins told us that Aunt Vicki had taken a fall and was in the hospital... Long story short...there are a lot of things wrong with Vicki that she has kept secret from her family. She will not allow any tests to be made, any diagnosis to be made. Therefore, no one really knows the condition of her body. She is very weak, there is a mass in her chest and the doctors take educated guesses that it is cancer and she will die fairly soon. Therefore, since she will not let the hospital attempt to "cure" her, she has been transferred to a hospice house. She is so weak, they feel she will never be able to get up on her own again, so she will not be able to return to her home. If she is getting better and not dieing within the next few weeks, she will be transferred to a nursing home for long term care. This is something she was adamant about not having to live through and maybe that is why she has kept so much from her kids...fear of being put in a home. Unfortunately, this is a part of our getting old...
How is all of this affecting Mom? Well, let me tell you.... I started out by telling her what happened to Vicki, why she was in the hospital, what the kids were saying, how she was going to be unable to live alone, etc. etc. I wanted Mom to know, so I did my best to give her information without a lot of details with doom and gloom, but truth. Anyway, she started crying for "my sister, my sister" and didn't stop for several days. She would wake up crying, she went to sleep crying, she started crying sitting in her chair, at the table, watching tv,... ALL THE TIME!!!
Just let me say, before the news about Vicki, Mom was crying any way. She cries for her home, her friends, herself, daddy...so this just added Vicki to the mix.
I finally asked her if I was ever going to see her smile again. I told her she had been crying so long she was making herself sick, and I said I guessed she would never find joy in her living again. That stopped her for a minute... I said it looked as if she had Vicki dead and buried before she was anywhere near that state. The crying has slowed down some...
Daily she asks if there is news from Vicki. I have decided to keep it very simple and say "she is holding her own.." Mom knows she is in a nursing home, but not hospice. I asked if she wanted to make a trip to visit her sister, but mom said no. She didn't think she would travel well. So... we will try to call Vicki for a talk in a few days as she recovers from her fall.
Once again, I have to adjust my understanding of what she can understand. I dread having to tell her any bad news. Maybe I won't tell her anything bad ever again! How would she know any different?
