September Update

As anyone can see from the lack of entries, I am not a true journal keeper. Having read others journals (the library publishes diaries from the past and they are mostly mundane ramblings) I find it hard to be in that realm. Aren't you all lucky I don't feed you volumes of nonsense?

Anyway, having said that I will continue with a paragraph or two about our mundane, rambling days, ha ha.

During the month of September, Harry and I took Mom to Alexandria for a few days. We would have stayed longer, but long story short (I am saving you all from boredom) we needed to come back to Baton Rouge early.

During our stay, we contacted a real estate lady (Jo Betty Sterkx). She lives in the neighborhood, knows Mom and is the sister-in-law to Mamie Sterkx, the lady mom worked with for Dr. Deming. She has sent me information concerning the selling expectations of houses in the neighborhood. I will be forwarding them to interested parties (brothers and sister) for everyone to be informed.

While there, Mom didn't do any more than she does here, but she "became" the Lady of the House. That leads me to understand she has not accepted her living arrangements here in B.R. and based on some of her comments, she still sees herself being able to return "home". If fact, when I spoke of returning to B.R., her comments were that she was going to stay there and we could come back for a visit. She was not happy when I once again had to burst her bubble (as gently as possible) and make her understand that she cannot live alone. I was very concerned about being able to get her in the car for the return trip. But, praise the Lord for the saints. Mike and Laura showed up early morning and with their fellowship with Mom, she was able to get in the car and say goodbye.

She returned here to her chair or rocker and does nothing. When we try to get her interested in some small project, she is not mentally available. When the sisters from Alexandria visited her here in B.R. a few weeks back, they saw she was not emotionally resolved to being here. She holds on to the belief of returning to Alex. and is waiting me out.... Not hiding anything from her, she knows the house is being evaluated for sale, but until it is gone...

Harry and I started being concerned for Mom's wellness the weekend of my surprise birthday party (I'll write about that another time). We could see her becoming sick and made plans to visit the doctor. She was completely unaware of being sick. Once again, her bladder was the culprit. So she is taking medicine to get back to health. If left unchecked, it could become life threatening. It's what put her in the hospital when she first came to live here, and she was VERY sick then (not knowing or maybe afraid to admit it). Anyway, she is on the road to recovery.

So we now come to October...See ya next time.

I Don't Remember That! Do You?

We were sitting in the living room this morning and there was a woman swimming in some program on TV.

Mom started talking about how she would go early in the morning to the public pool in DeRidder to swim. What? I asked her what she did with us? I told her I didn't remember that. I reminded her she didn't know how to swim...

She said she would go while we were still asleep and return to fix breakfast. Mom said Dad was at home and he would watch us kids while she would go to the pool to swim. She said she would come home and have to nurse Laurie...She said we were in the country, but I can't remember ever waking up and Mom not being there, or that Dad was babysitting before he went to work.

Maybe we were still in Twin Lakes? That would make me 8 years old if she was nursing Laurie. Maybe I just can't remember things that took place when I was 8...Does anyone remember any of this? Did the pool open at 6:30 in the morning? I truly can't say she is making it up, because when I was 8, I am sure I was unaware of LOTS of happenings. I have never heard her speak of doing this, never!

This story is one of many she tells as we sit and grow old. She has lots of stories about when she was young. Many I have heard before, but she is starting to combine details to come up with new and improved versions of her memories.

I find her talking to herself during the day. She talks, then stops and "listens", laughs, and then starts talking again. I ask her who she is talking to, and she tells me she is singing. I figure she is retelling her stories to herself so she can remember them, but she is filling in the forgotten gaps with new information and is believing it. Then she tells me the story with the new information...
and believe me when I say, she does not like being questioned on her memory...so I don't question too much, but I wonder what's to come if I don't try to keep her information straight. Does it speed up the process of aging if I don't correct her, or does it just not matter.

I remind you all of the importance of keeping in touch with Mom as often as you can. Short phone calls are the best. Letters/cards put a smile on her face. Don't let the time get away...

Additions to the Family

We have gone from a household of four adults to five adults and a 6 year old. Yes, Stephanie and Kara are back in the house and have caused us to get out of our ruts. In one way that is a good thing, and in another way, I was happy in my rut!

The good thing is that I happen to love those two girls very much and am glad to see them daily. The not so good thing is that there are now five women under one roof. Yikes!!! Poor Harry?

The living room has been a bedroom several times during the course of our living here, and once again it is a bedroom/living room. I do thank the Lord that the room is very large and long and can be divided somewhat. I am also very thankful that the supply from the Lord is never ending and rich. He gives me His wisdom in dealing with life's changes.

Anyway, while it was summer, there was no hurry to go to bed, etc, but with school starting next Monday, I have a feeling we will all be "punished" to our rooms so Kara can get to sleep at a decent time.

Stephanie is applying for jobs and looking for an affordable apartment in the school district she wants, so the "plan" is not for an extended stay here. The Lord knows what we all need is for all of us to call on His name!

Today, we spent the day rearranging the living room/dining room. It doesn't look too bad. We have been able to find a place for everything and everyone, ha ha.

Phil and Donna are empty-nesters and Mike and Sally are empty-nesters. My hatchlings keep returning to the nest...I've decided to enjoy the moment and count my many blessings.

Good night dear family where ever you are. May the Lord bless you all with His mercy and grace, amen.

Family Day

Today the house was filled with noise. We had family from New Orleans. Vicki, Jennifer, Jimmy, and Jordon. From Baton Rouge came Mike, Deanna, Heather and Joseph, Alex and Bayleigh. Stephanie and Kara were here, but Melissa had to work...

Harry bar-b-qued for the crowd and I made a big potato salad. Fun was had by all.

We were happy to see them come, and we were happy to see them go!!

We are a household of adults with a 6 year old. We are not used to lots of talking. And talking we did! By the end of the visit we all needed naps, haha.

I know Mom and Aunt Vicki enjoyed visiting with each other. I don't know if they got enough talking in since it was so loud during the visit. I guess next time we will take Mom to N.O. to Aunt Vicki's house. Less competition.

Closing a Chapter

Today we said goodbye to Mom's faithful little Lynx.

She had given it to Heather several months ago, but due to old age, engine problems, major oil leak etc, the car ended up on our front lawn. (major money was needed to fix it, if it could have been fixed) Heather had abandoned it to us.

So, we were looking into how to rid ourselves of the lawn art, when a guy came asking about it. For the cost of getting the title out of Mom's name and towing it away, we basically gave it to the guy.

He will most likely know a place that will pay him lots of $$ for scrap metal, but since we don't know a place or have a way to get the car there, we let it go...

Mom watched as the guy put the car up on a trailer and drive off. Needless to say, she was very sad, crying even. Letting go of a lifestyle is hard. I don't know if Mom had a thought that there could be a way for her to return to Alexandria, but with the letting go of the car that "bubble" was burst.

Then we got an email from Joe with a joke that made us all laugh, and emotions were once again under control.

SNAKE!!!

Ok, we live in a city! Our neighborhood has trees and large backyards. We have dogs. There are lots of kids in the neighborhood. There is lots of noise. WE LIVE IN THE CITY!!

Yet....today I came into the kitchen and found a snake in the middle of the floor!!! Need I say how I reacted?

YELLING for Harry to come see, I grabbed up Kara and put her in the living room and ran around the house to the other side of the kitchen picking up a weapon as I went. (an unopened box of mini blinds!) Harry wanted to know what I planned on doing with a box? I said I was going to smash that snake's head into the floor! And so I did.

Then I stepped on the box. Harry had brought in a shovel and I wanted it to beat the snake on the head. He said the snake was dead. I said it's tongue was still moving. He said I was squishing the tongue out of it's head by standing on it's neck. I didn't believe him. I took the shovel and used it to completely put that snake out of my misery! Harry was pretty sure it was dead when blood was oozing out onto the floor.

Harry took the snake outside and dropped it into a bucket to save to show the girls when they got home.

At the time of spotting the snake, I was on the phone with Stephanie and she heard me YELLING to Harry before I said "gotta go!"

So she was driving home worried about the well being of Kara.

Then, when Melissa got home we showed her the snake and told her it had come out of her room. Oh my goodness! Did we get a good response out of her.

This happened around 3pm this afternoon. Needless to say, I was on an adrenalin rush! Harry asked me if I had taken my blood pressure pills.

It is now 8:30pm and I am still quivering in my shoes. Just because it turned out to be a garter snake doesn't mean it didn't deserve to DIE!

When I walk around the house now, my head is down with my eyes going to and fro looking... Every loose wire, every cord sticking out from behind a chair or the sofa causes me to stop and look...I have my trusty "mini blind" box strapped to my hip!

I am ready to put the "For Sale" sign out on the front lawn.

This will be the topic of conversation for a while.

Grandma's new set of wheels!

Monday morning we went and qualified for a wheelchair for Mom. No, it doesn't have a motor. The power behind it is ME!

I have found that within a very short time of being in a store, Mom is having to find a place to sit down because she runs out of energy to stay on her feet. Therefore, when we go to a store we have to hope there is a wheelchair available for her use in order for her to get around and shop. We have to make choices where to shop according to the availability of a wheelchair on site. So we haven't been to a mall in a long time.

Anyway, she now has a shiny new set of wheels to get her where she wants to go,... as long as I am pushing. This opens a new set of choices for us. I guess we will be taking a stroll around one of the malls here in town sometime soon.

Kara spent Monday night with us. She is our lovable little girl and we all enjoy her time here. She is at an age that will talk to you, sit on your lap, give you good hugs and kisses and is quiet. I know Mom enjoys her visits. She spent many hours holding Kara while she slept when Kara was a baby.

We had Meegan and Bryson here for dinner tonight. We enjoy seeing them, but after an hour of that sweet little BOY and his sweet HIGH-PITCHED voice, we love to see them go. Is that mean to say? He is in daycare, so by the end of the day he needs to "let off steam", and my house is not used to that kind of action!!! I advised Mom to turn her ears off, and I just wish I had a volume control for his sweet HIGH-PITCHED voice, ha ha!

Heather "breezed" in today for a short visit. She talked, we listened, she kissed, we kissed, she "breezed" out! Enough said!

Every day, something different! Nobody can say this is a "boring" household. I would like it to be, but we are just soooo popular!!

Keep those cards and letters coming, and the phone calls too. Mom loves to hear from you all. Now I need her to get into the habit of answering those letters and cards. She will tell you she is a writer, but she hasn't written a letter in a long time. Maybe I'll get her some simple cards that she can sign and send to say hi to those who write her. It's a thought.

Goodnight, family. I pray you all are well. Sweet dreams....

We Had A Great Visit!

Well, it's Saturday night and we are back in Baton Rouge after 5 days in Alexandria. We drove up last Monday morning and for the past week, I have kept Mom busy with visits to and from all the saints in Alexandria.

Starting Monday night, Butch and Diane brought us dinner and stayed to visit, then Joyce came over for dessert and visiting.

The house was so clean and fresh thanks to the efforts of Becky and her brother Alex. I didn't have to do a thing while we were there. Floors were shining and no dust to be seen.

Tuesday morning, Barbre and DL came over for a visit along with Joyce, and Tuesday evening we went out to the Linzay farm for dinner and a sister's meeting.

Wednesday evening the house was the place to be. Julia came over early for a good visit with Mom. We had the prayer meeting there and Mom was so happy. There were 15 saints all around the living room praising and praying. It brought back happy memories for Mom. She just loved it.

Joyce came over Thursday for lunch and a little one-on-one conversation with Mom. Then, Laura and her children (Mom's "adopted" grandchildren) came over in the afternoon for a sweet visit. Sister Via got lots of hugs and kisses that day.

Friday morning we had a Katherine with her girls over for a few hours of visiting and just as they were leaving, sisters starting arriving for a meeting. We used the time for prayer and praise.

Of course, all the brothers attached to the sisters were seen during the week also. We stuffed a lot of activity into this week and I think Mom truly enjoyed every minute of it.

Oh, on Wednesday night with so many people and cars at the house, the neighbor, Steve Ayers, came over to see if everything was all right. From no activity around the house to lots of activity, he was afraid something had happened to Mom. He was relieved to hear she was alive and well.

The house is doing OK. The yard is being taken care of. The city is supposed to see about trimming a tree that is hanging over the power lines and roof. Becky is keeping the inside fresh. The saints all drive by to check it out from time to time. The roof will need some repair and I have asked Mike H. if his cousin, who has done repairs on Mom's roof, could look it over and give us an estimate of costs.

This morning over breakfast, Mom said she had spent some time early considering how much she wanted to be able to just stay. But she shared this without tears, and was helpful in packing up the house and car for the trip back to B.R. We stopped at the Hopkins house for one more visit with Laura and Kids before leaving town, and there were tears at the good-bye, but not for long.

We had an uneventful trip back to B.R. and have settled back into the routine of the house. Thank you all for the prayers spoken for a good visit. Thank you Lord for this past week.

Road Trip

When I get up later this morning, I will be taking Mom back to Alexandria for a visit. She knows it's just for a visit, but this evening, she asked me "Will I ever be able to go home again and be by myself?"

Of course as I was telling her how sorry I am to have to tell her no, she was crying for everything she has lost in losing her independence. She can't see the need for having to live with someone, and I just can't bring myself to list all the reasons, (86, nearly blind, nearly cripple, forgetful, just to name a few). Of course, everything she thinks she was able to do just recently really was done several years ago. I can't bring myself to tell her that either.

I have the need to be the daughter with the mother telling me, "Make room, here I come!" I want her to see how she is doing, with a clear mind. I want her to make these decisions for herself, choosing to make the move. I want her to be able to see the the benefits of living with me. I need her to be able to transfer her enjoyments to a new place. I don't want to have to talk to her as if she was a small child. I want a real conversation with my mother!

But...the reality is...Mom just can't think the way needed to make good decisions. Not by her own choice, but because her body is shutting down. Bones weaken, blood thins, arteries close, brain cells die, muscles lose strength...it has taken place so slowly that the changes have gone unnoticed, but we see it and when we confront her with the noted changes, she is unable to agree with what we see.

So I guess I can say that this evening was a little stressful for us all. Never-the-less , we will take that trip later today and I will be doing a lot of praying that she will use this time to enjoy visiting with the saints in Alexandria, spend some time puttering around her house, and at the end of the week willingly get back in the car for the ride back to Baton Rouge. Everyone pray!

Happy thoughts!

This week was our "go to the doctor" week. Nothing bad, just refilling Rx's, checking blood work, etc. Both for Mom and for me. She is doing very well physically. The doc gave her a B12 shot and suggested we start taking a B12 supplement daily. So we will...

We also requested a wheelchair for her use. The doc had to write a Rx for one so Medicare and Medicaid would pay for it. We will be getting one within the next week. The need for a chair is for any outing that will need more walking than from the house to the car and from the car to a place to sit down. We try to get her to come to Wal-Mart for shopping, but she has no lasting strength. When we can find a store wheelchair, she enjoys being pushed around the store to see things. But...the store chairs are in demand. So, we asked the doc if she qualified for a wheelchair that will help get her out to socialize, etc. It seems she does. I can think of several places around B.R. that we could get her out to enjoy that requires walking...so with the chair she really will be able to enjoy her outings. She is still able to walk around the house. This chair will not be used indoors. Too many things to bump into, ha ha.

Mom received several phone calls the past few days and I want to share with those who called the smile on her face when she was told the call was for her, and who it was. She enjoyed hearing from you all and her smile lasted through the call and into the retelling of the call, ha.ha. As you found out, the calls don't have to be long, and most of the time all you have to do is listen.

She also received a few notes of "hello". She got mail! Was she surprised!! Thank you for putting a smile on her face. Each one was read several times and shared with us and put in a folder for her to keep.

This week we had visits from the saints. Two sisters came by Tuesday morning for fellowship and prayer. Mom sat in with us around the table and was able to participate in the prayer time. Also, a sweet couple came by this afternoon. They were sharing their enjoyment from the Memorial Day Conference. Mom was able to follow along and enter into pray with us all. It was good.

We are making plans to visit Alexandria this coming week. I am not sure about the day we will leave on, but by next week, all the bills will be paid, or set up to pay, and I will be free to enjoy doing something different. Mom is looking forward to seeing her "home" again, but I think she understands it's just for a visit. We will spend the week visiting the saints there and entering into their enjoyment of Christ. She is looking forward to seeing the kids.

Where are you?

Whenever a day goes by and we don't receive any phone calls or notes in the mail I wonder where is everyone! In this day of cell phones and free long distance, I am having a hard time trying not to get "mad" at my family for not checking in more often.

I have no desire to spend endless hours on the phone being told all the day-to-day news of the family, but a quick check-in to find out we are still alive, etc. would be well received. And, long call or short call, Mom just remembers the call from a loved one.

So if she remembers the call, does she wonder when there are no calls? Does she sit in front of the window waiting, or is she really content to just sit and look out? If she is not content, she does not say anything. She is very un-complaining. Maybe it just bothers me!

Then, as I am feeling so "righteously" concerned about Mom, The Lord reminds me of how I dealt with my older relatives from years gone by. I know I did not call my aunt to ask about my grandmother very often. If fact, I had two aunts for two grandmothers who most likely had the same thoughts as me, "where are her kids, and why don't they call her?" I rarely call my aunts to ask about them. Shame on me!

I had to apologize to my sister-in-law, Mary, a few years back when Harry's mom died. Because she was the daughter that took care of all of her mom's needs, we never gave it a thought that maybe she needed some emotional support.

It was about that time that my conscience started bothering me about keeping up with family. I still have a long way to go with keeping up with distant relatives, but I am trying...

The point of this missive...Please stay in touch with Mom (Grandma, aunt, GG). Not just for her sake, but for your own. Knowing you keep in touch with her will be peace to you when times get tough. Learning to enjoy Mom the way she is, and letting go of how she used to be, is a blessing. I am blessed that she is with us here. She still wants to go "home", but that doesn't offend me. I thank God I can kiss her good night and good morning. God has blessed this household with Mom!

I really think Mom would enjoy getting a card from family every now and then. She would have something to look at. Short phone calls would be enjoyed, and short visits are always welcome. Think about it!

A sign of things to come...

This evening as we were watching TV, Mom asked me to help her remember a few things. The things she wanted to remember were the names of my children and their children.

I can't begin to tell you how sad that made me feel. I am the oldest girl in a family of six kids, and I was the first to start having children. Our oldest daughter, Deanna, is Mom's first grandchild and she was having a hard time remembering the names... Even as I said the names in order, several times, she was having a difficult time being able to repeat them.

What does this mean? I don't know. Maybe she was just having a "brain freeze" but I am afraid it really means that there will be more information disappearing from her memory as time goes on. So, I had a paper with the names of her kids and who they married, and the names of the kids they had, etc. I had written it up and sent it to a nephew whom I hadn't had much contact with and I wanted him to know who his family was. Anyway, I updated that paper and changed the font to be really big letters (Mom is more blind than she will admit) so she could read it and I gave it to her so she can look at it whenever she wanted. She liked the idea. Maybe I will give her a binder to keep her current information close at hand.

I want to share these thoughts with family members, so I will be sending out emails to the names I have email addresses. There is a link to my blog, and they can become followers. I pray they will want to be included to stay up with Mom's (Grandma's, GG's) living. If you get an email, you can forward it to the family members I might not have emails for, so they can visit the site and stay up to date with family news.

May 25, 2009

Today, we had Paul and Rebecca visit on their way out of town. Rebecca's aunt was with them and also Paul's mom, Sally, came by.

I have a feeling that I managed to monopolize the conversation. Sorry. Sometimes when I was raising kids and didn't speak to anyone over the age of 10 all day long, I would be desperate to speak to anyone my age. Harry would come home tired of talking at work...so I would spend days without any mental stimulation above the "Sesame Street" level. Therefore, when an adult came into range, they didn't have to say a word! I was able to carry the entire conversation without them having to say anything.

I share this memory because these days I feel I am back in those days. I am not raising kids, but we have my Mother living with us, and she is at the stage in her life where she does a lot of "remembering when" and all she needs is for you to listen. We don't have conversations, we have stories, and she just wants me to listen. Then when she "winds down", she takes a nap in her chair, and I am left sitting there...

Yes, Harry is retired and at home, and yes, we talk to each other, but I usually have more to say than he wants to listen to, ha!

A Little Background History

2008 was a year that had many changes for us. Before May of 2008, I was traveling back and forth between Alexandria and Baton Rouge at least once a month; spending days and sometimes weeks in Alexandria handling necessary chores for my Mom. I would convice Mom to visit us here in Baton Rouge for a few weeks at a time, but she would always return to her home.

In May of 2008 we came to accept that changes needed to be made in regards with Mom's care. After a lifetime of taking care of all her needs and doing such a good job of it, she was coming into a time of needing someone else to do the everyday things she no longer was able to do. She was not aware of this change, but we were.

It is not an easy decision to make - force your parent into a life change they do not think they are not ready for. I'm not ready to be the one forcing the issue, but... It hurts to see the woman I always looked up to, the woman who was able to help me through my troubles, not be able to make good decisions for herself. I was losing my mother as I knew her.

So, at the end of May we packed her bags and brought Mom to Baton Rouge. Although we gently told her she would be staying in BR, she was not accepting that word. After 35 years of living in the same home with neighbors and friends around town, Mom was not giving up her "life" so easily.

We could see Mom was not doing well when she came home with us, and within 10 days, she was in the hospital for a 5 day stay to fight infection that was building in her body over several months.

After getting her back home, Mom went through 6 weeks of rehab to strengthen her body. But we could see her current memory and daily functioning was degrading. (after almost a year, Mom speaks about her hospital stay as just having happened, that she is recuperating, and that she will be going back to Alex. sometime soon.)

In the midst of Mom's physical illness and recovery, Harry had a "heart incident" and was hospitalized for a heart cath. and ended with a stint being placed in an artery that was 99% blocked. His story to follow at another time.