When I get up later this morning, I will be taking Mom back to Alexandria for a visit. She knows it's just for a visit, but this evening, she asked me "Will I ever be able to go home again and be by myself?"
Of course as I was telling her how sorry I am to have to tell her no, she was crying for everything she has lost in losing her independence. She can't see the need for having to live with someone, and I just can't bring myself to list all the reasons, (86, nearly blind, nearly cripple, forgetful, just to name a few). Of course, everything she thinks she was able to do just recently really was done several years ago. I can't bring myself to tell her that either.
I have the need to be the daughter with the mother telling me, "Make room, here I come!" I want her to see how she is doing, with a clear mind. I want her to make these decisions for herself, choosing to make the move. I want her to be able to see the the benefits of living with me. I need her to be able to transfer her enjoyments to a new place. I don't want to have to talk to her as if she was a small child. I want a real conversation with my mother!
But...the reality is...Mom just can't think the way needed to make good decisions. Not by her own choice, but because her body is shutting down. Bones weaken, blood thins, arteries close, brain cells die, muscles lose strength...it has taken place so slowly that the changes have gone unnoticed, but we see it and when we confront her with the noted changes, she is unable to agree with what we see.
So I guess I can say that this evening was a little stressful for us all. Never-the-less , we will take that trip later today and I will be doing a lot of praying that she will use this time to enjoy visiting with the saints in Alexandria, spend some time puttering around her house, and at the end of the week willingly get back in the car for the ride back to Baton Rouge. Everyone pray!
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