Visitors

This entry was started back in August 2011. I saved it to draft and forgot about it. So I finished it today and posted.



It is so nice to write a few happy thoughts for a change.

 My mother has an old DeRidder friend that she has kept up with for the many years she has been gone from DeRidder. Bridgit Gates and mom were always seen together running around town, having coffee together, doing after school stuff with their kids.  Bridgit's children and mom's younger children were friends in school and at church, so the two moms came together also. Their friendship has survived for many years.

Yesterday, I was reading my email early in the morning and there was one from Bridgit. She said that she had an opportunity to come to Baton Rouge with her daughter and she wanted to try to get to see mom while she was here. They had obligations but wanted to make time for a quick visit. As it turned out, she was able to visit with mom for over an hour.

I arrived at the Care Center and found mom sleeping, so I got her up, brushed her hair, straightened her dress and told her she was going to have a surprise visitor. When Bridgit arrived, mom was so happy to see her dear old friend. She kept saying "I never thought I would ever see you again in this lifetime." Of course her surprise led to tears of joy (I hope) and then she settled down for a sweet visit.

Hearing and the understanding of what she hears is always a problem, but she was able to follow along fairly well, and Bridgit was very careful with her responses to mom. All in all, the two friends enjoyed seeing each other. Mom has several memories she has shared with me over the years, and Bridgit kept saying " I don't remember that!"

Thank you Bridgit for taking the time to visit Mom. Her memory of that visit is strong. She spoke of it for several days after the fact. I can imagine your trip home - thinking about how mom looks and how her conversation skills have deteriorated. The past few years have really played havoc with her physical being as well as her mental well being. It's really a shock to see for the first time.

Please come back for another visit when you can. Mom enjoys the cards you send her. Keeps her attached to her friend.

Current Happenings

Well, Mom has been in the Care Center since July. Can I say she has accepted her situation? Not really. She has good days and we have good visits without fussing and crying.On her bad days I spend the time consoling her about her situation and end up leaving her in tears and I go home and cry. We both are miserable. What can I say...

My mind understands the need for her to be in full-time care, but my heart wants her here. I find myself dreading my visits with her and I hate the thought that I have those feeling. My whole being is tired and I still have to push myself to get things done.

My real help is Melissa. Since she is at home, I rely on her to visit her grandmother at least once a week for me. She brings clean clothes and picks up the dirty ones and usually visits for an hour or so. Mom seems to enjoy her visits, Melissa sees her grandmother, and I am able to take care of things at home with the assurance that Mom is being cared for. A win-win situation for us all. Thanks Melissa.

Melissa visited the day after Mike and Laurie visited and Mom was in a good mood. She had all good things to say about her visits with her other children and was glad to see Melissa. I guess it means the other kids need to make a real effort to visit, regardless of how tired or busy they are.

After a particularly bad visit last week, I left the Care Center in a bad mood. I had noticed the other family members had not been there is a while and I sent out text messages while in that bad mood. I guess I "fussed" loud enough that got results in them visiting Mom, and me getting "sorry" flowers from Mike... Loved the flowers, but loved their visiting their mom much better...

I am not leaving out the other family members. I encourage my other kids and grandkids to visit. All family members need to make an effort to visit her. If that happened, she would have a visitor every day. She wouldn't feel abandoned, and the Care Center would stay on their toes, so to speak, in their daily care for her, knowing family members would be watching...

She is not the mom we knew, but she is the mom we have and if we don't want to have regrets in the future, visiting her is the answer. 

I don't know who I am writing this for. I don't know who reads this blog. But I feel better putting my thoughts down on paper.